I turn the cigarette over in my fingers and watch the soft gray smoke drift up from my mouth. My empty hand lazily reaches up to touch it. Smoke may look soft, but it's formless. My fingers just brush through.
Behind me, the guy moves. He must be waking up. So I stand and start getting dressed. After is always weird. Before, when men just want a piece of ass, they compliment and tell you how pretty you are. That's the part I live for. The sex is just what they expect in return. It's a system. I go through it, pretend its great, tell them how wonderful they are. And then they collapse and sleep while I have a smoke and leave.
That's my weekend in a nutshell. So I'm a slut. But if it keeps me going, it can't be all bad, right? No. I'm just a slut.
After I pull on my shirt, I glance at the glaring red digits on the guy's clock. Only midnight. I still have time to get another. I quickly sniff my armpit, though I really don't need to. I usually don't sweat much during sex. Not enough motivation, I guess. I can easily pick up another.
I slip on my high heels and let myself out. Luckily, this guy doesn't live far from several clubs and bars.
I walk into the nearest club, flashing the bouncer a quick smile and a little leg.
The bass pounds through my whole body and I'm pushed onto the dance floor by the pulsing crowd. Generally, the bar is a better place to fish, but I guess 5 minutes of dancing will help me loosen up. Get my energy back. And a bit of myself.
I stand still for a moment, letting the beat of the music seep through my skin, into my bloodstream. Once it's inside me, my body starts to flow, responding like it does to sex. Except this feels better. Purer. Sex never feels this good.
My soul was numb, but now it's slowly being filled by the music and the humidity of the club, and my own fluid movements. My eyelids flutter close.
I lose track of time, and only come back to myself when I'm bumped. My eyes snap open and I twist around to see some half-drunk girl is stumbling and laughing like mad.
I can feel myself starting to slip away again, but I grab onto and hold the feelings I had while dancing and shift through the bodies to get off the floor. Once through, I glide over to the bar, scanning the men as I move.
Too old, too inexperienced looking, too drunk, too fat, too depressed looking. I mentally check them off and automatically focus my attention on the couple of guys who look decent enough. I have at least a few standards.
One of the men marked as decent is staring at me from under his brows as he drinks his beer.
There we go. Another shot of alive just waiting to be choked down.
I sidle up to his side, and he grabs my ass to pull me closer, his alcohol breath directly in my face.
"God, you're beautiful," he says in a sugar sweet tone while looking at my low rider jeans. I shift my hip and draw up a smile from somewhere. And listen to him make me real.
I'm so so sorry. I keep on saying I'll be here regularly and I keep failing. I'm so sorry. All the spare time I have is generally spent on twitter, and I'm too exhausted from school and everything else to be everywhere. I'm barely keeping up with my deviation inbox (I get at least 50 new deviations a day. I should probably unwatch some groups/clubs, but ) I haven't forgotten you guys~ I still love you, and I swear to Chuck, I will answer all messages. I don't delete them, they're still sitting there. I have comments from, like, 6 months ago that I still intend to answer. Curse me for taking multiple writing focused classes.
In the time I haven't spent on school, twitter, and facebook, I've gotten caught up on a few shows. One of which being Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt. God my oh, that show is ludicrously fantastic. It's on so much crack. Like, Katamari Damacy levels of crack. I love it.
I also have been watching Leverage, which has quickly become one of my favorite shows. The show fills me with so much fluffy glee. I love every member of the team, and they make me laugh so much. Seriously, it is utterly fantastic.
Radcon's over. One of my twitter friends came down and stayed with us, which was completely awesome
Dude, you'll never guess who was there. S.J. Tucker, that's who. If you don't know who she is, I'm sorry. You must not be truly alive yet. She's my hero and my favorite musician. She and the rest of Tricky Pixie (fantastic band, by the way) had a concert (which was lovely and fulfilling and amazing). During the song "Alligator in the House", Deadpool (who we had been hanging out with) went on stage to shake his groove thang. A couple of dudes started tango-ing in the aisles as well. It was wonderful
The fire dancers were as awesome and sexy as ever, and Sooj was one of the drummers even
If anyone is interested in the videos I did manage to get, let me know and I'll put them up on youtube. I only have a couple photos of my costume, but I'll put them up here really soon, kay? (Thanks, Alaire
We ended up performing the time warp in random hallway because we missed it at the rave. We met the Joker (one of several running around), and I got 30 hugs from him before he started hanging out with us. There was an art round robin, and he went & Joker-fied every single picture in one set. We decided to name it the Joker Collection.
Around that time a chick wandered by wearing a sign that read "Free kisses (for girls)". Of course I took advantage. The whole thing was a blur, but I do remember that afterwards she pulled me in for a bonus second kiss. Cause I'm just that good (lol). Amanda told me later that everyone in the hall stopped and pulled out their cameras/phones. I've tried looking, but unfortunately I haven't found any pictures yet. I want one D:
On a major note, I've been looking more into paganism. My internal spiritual struggle keeps pushing and pulling at me, so I'm finally starting to sit down and figure things out. I've spent the last 7 years as an agnostic, but listening to Sooj and other pagan's work, I've been filled with a kind of peace and power that I never heard in any other kind of religious hymn. For those of you who don't know, paganism and all the religions that fall under that umbrella term, are nature based religions that are all about being a good person and celebrating life. I look at the peace and the love and joy and I want that. I'm still trying to figure out what I believe (whether the gods are multiple, whether they are aspects, or whether they are archetypes, for example), but I'm trying. There's as many styles of paganism as there are pagans. I just have to keep thinking about it and researching until I find bits that click, and combine those. Does that make sense? I just have to find what fits me. Which might take awhile, simply because my mind is so fluid.
Anyway . That was probably too long and you didn't read. Sorry











--
'Old songs sound like memories'
- Sasha Lynn Stowers -
'If you want to be happy, be'
- Henry David Thoreau -
--
Avatar by: *rose-anime-power
________________________________
[link]
--
---
“She went insane. Looking after ten children will do that to you. Or it could've been the demon."
--
"The earth has music for those who listen."
~Williams Shakespeare
--
...with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
There are two types of people in the world: those in mental hospitals, and those who actually belong in mental hospitals.
--
#Save-Our-Seeker - it's not over until I say so!
l
l
v
--
"I'm so happy I just peed a little."
--
Santana Lopez: The only straight I am is straight up Bitch!
I LOVE YOU
--
Well… Maybe someday you’ll fall for someone who’s healthy. Someone who, other than his irrational fear of automatic toilets is… normal
--
"The earth has music for those who listen."
~Williams Shakespeare